The end of my freshman year and your junior year when we met in college, you were the sweetest and most attentive guy I’d ever met. You would text me all the time, and would tell me how happy you were to hear my voice when I would call. You were at summer school, while I worked back home and all I wanted to do was be back in the same town as you.
When it was time to come back to school, I had to see you the moment I got back. Seeing you everyday brought out your true self, and it wasn’t very attractive. You let your female friends and an old girlfriend tell you I was ugly and how you were out of my league, and you didn’t defend me at all. You would ask to borrow money, which I never asked you to pay me back for, because a good portion of your monthly allowance went to your weed habit.
While we were at a party at your house, I saw you get her number, and when she texted you, I let you convince me it wasn’t a big deal; you were just being nice. Then you did it. You left me at your house on halloween, when you said you were actually using the restroom, and after you begged me to leave my friends, because you wanted to see me. After a long day of not hearing from you, you asked me to come over, and you broke the news to me. You cheated on me, and you didn’t want to see me anymore. A week before my birthday. The week of midterms.
But that’s not where your control on me stopped. You would text me asking how I was doing, you even still wanted to see me on my birthday, but bailed on what I had originally planned. And all I could do was ask why you hurt me, and you listed all my flaws, from my looks to my lack of sexual experience. You even explained you had been hooking up with other girls during the entire duration of our relationship. And in that moment I felt worthless. This continued for a long time and that was the most difficult year of my life. Even after that year, you and that girl moved in to the house directly below mine, and I had to be reminded of my worthlessness every day for another year.
I failed my physics class, I was not performing well at work. I spent a lot of my free time sleeping and not caring about my looks. You took away all my self-confidence, and I had a hard time with every relationship after that for the past three years. I’m finally at a place where I feel confident and am very happy with my life.
So I forgive you. I will never receive the apology I deserved, but I can’t hold on to such resentment. I’m finally at a place where my heart doesn’t break every time I think about you. You were a valuable lesson, and I won’t let anyone take control of my confidence like that ever again.